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    7/17/2009

    到那里立足我失败的人生?

    天太热,空气分子之间似乎用浆糊粘着一般。别说呼吸,就连走动时候,都觉得拖着老大一片。胶底的板鞋每踩一步都感觉会陷入地面,等抬回来的时候,鞋底似乎又夯实叻不少。

    七月,夏。

    怕热的我,每次进入深夏的时候,都会凶狠的感触一番。和寒冷并舒适的冬天相比,宁静中喷涌出来的愤世情怀,至少还证明我还有抵抗的勇气。可让人恨不得撕开肋骨的炎热,让我不是像狗一样的妥协,就是妥协得像狗一样。没错,我是怕热的!

    怕得我心惊胆战,怕得我夜不能寐。怕得我满脑子都在幻想地狱的情景。

    怕得怕什么来什么!这句话完全可以总结我现有的人生。因为妥协,因为害怕,所以,我将以过去的人生里所有和谐的元素一个不剩的剔除。然后留下一根根刺,幻想这是在鸡蛋里,当骨头挑。

    我失败的人生,我满是需要挑出骨头的鸡蛋人生。竟然打从能够模糊的记事开始,便是充满叻像是对炎热的妥协一般的懦弱。多到数不清的失败和欺压,与之而来的凌辱和嘲笑,让我近而分析出,我这刚刚走完的那部分生命,和掠夺以及斗争总是息息相关。我总是不断的陷入各种斗争中,胜者为王,败者落寇。

    每每,当我兴高采烈的以为前方的那片栖息地,如处女般纯洁高尚。猛然间都会从草垛里跳出一只恶狗来,仔细嗅嗅,边角树根处狗屎狗尿,更是款款依依,不一而足——充满叻其他狗的气味。

    如果你驻足观看,你会看到一只坡脚瞎眼的癞皮狗,夹着尾巴,正转头想走,四周突然跳出更多更凶猛的野狗出来,将它咬得更坡更瞎更像只赖皮狗。天下之大,竟似没有它的立锥之地?

    天真的坡脚,瞎眼,缺耳朵,赖皮狗。一边走一边被咬,一边被咬,一边仍然相信有那么一片为它而准备的立足安身之所,等着它。尽管,它似乎感觉自己已经学会撕咬叻。

    若干年后。狗的皮不癞叻,耳朵长齐叻,倔强的耸立着;缺掉的眼睛戴叻眼罩,像只海盗狗;坡掉的脚被截取,取代的是磨得光滑的木头做成的假肢,像只盗海的狗。它不放过任何一只胆敢闯进他正在霸占的地盘,将一泡尿分成100份尿出来,散布在领地中所有它能找到的树木下和角落里。

    它仍然单纯的相信有那么一片如处女般纯洁的草地,油油的绿色一直延伸到与天空相接的地方。仍然相信。

    我向镜头里的那只无耻的自大的,自以为有理想的狗吐叻口浓痰!呸!这个童话故事太低俗叻!打开《喜洋洋与灰太狼》的AVI文件,我如同饥肠轱辘的那只饿狗,反过来复过去,复过去反过来的看叻一遍又一遍。

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